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A Brief Week in Online Dating

Last week I dipped my toes into the online dating world. And then promptly drew them out (but more on that later). Two guys that stood out and hung on long enough to convince me they weren’t serial killers/creeps/ultra LGBT-hating conservatives got my number, and I quickly found some things out:
A) Both were clingy,
B) Both decided to give me uncomfortable pet names like “babe” and “cutie,”
C) Neither were feminists.
D) Dick pics were sent freely, and without any required indication on my side of wanting them (because I certainly didn’t).
And this was the cream of the crop — meaning they’d already been selected through the quick screening process, then had the courage to message me/reply to my messages and provide slight more compelling conversations than just “Hey. Ur cute,” or offers of casual hook-ups (this only happened once, and they were incredibly polite along with straight forward).
So yeah. Not so cream-of-crop-y there.
I never thought I would be one to try a site like OKCupid. I’d alway imagined finding love in some kind of every-day, rom-com-esque situation, like a drink mix-up in Starbucks, or while at the laundry mat. Something not too overwhelming but cute. A story for the grandkids.
The idea of online/app dating doesn’t exactly hold the same magic. Plus, it makes for a way less romantic tale for the future little ones. Therefore, for the sake of my imaginary future grandchildren, I steered clear of these sites. Besides, we’ve all heard about the creepos, right?
But entering my (extremely busy) junior year, I realized I wasn’t going to have a ton of time for such extracurriculars. Which, being a strong, independent woman, wasn’t necessarily a problem, but a little irksome. Plus, in January, it will have been two years since the crash-and-burn of my last relationship. And, in March will be the one-year anniversary of my last (nice, but not-really-feeling it) date. Maybe it’s time to get back on the horse.
So, in a moment of weakness, I got an account.
I made a profile, selected cute pictures, answered surveys, listed interests, and browsed. I got a surprising number of visitors and messages within the first 24 hours. My ego got an unexpected boost.
At first, it wasn’t too bad. There were some interesting, cute, seemingly nice guys. The only problem is, only a small fraction of those interested in me were those interesting,cute, seemingly nice guys. The rest were over the age of 30 (with several being old enough to have fathered me), or simply…creepy.
But two stood out. They kept up conversations, they were nice, seemed interested in me, and were pretty funny and sweet overall.
And then I game them my number. Once removed from the chat platform of OKCupid, things suddenly became apparent. Then, then came the dick pics. Then came the cligginess, the pushiness, the overbearing expectation that this was going to be it. I immediately regretting sharing my digits.
Ultimately, I ended my seemingly never-ending conversations between these two guys (avid texters). One (dick pic master), I ignored after the forth unwelcome photo his anatomy. Today I finally got the passive-agressive “So I guess goodbye, huh?” The second, who had been sweet if a little overbearing, I gently let down before we were suppose to meet for coffee.
And with that, I deleted the account. I’ll take my Nora Ephron rom-com any day, even it might not actually happen. I doubt choosing not to turn to the internet for love will prevent me from having grandchildren. It’ll be my general awkwardness, social anxiety, and egotism that will ultimately fail me there.

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