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Shutting Doors

In advance, I apologize for the cliche nature of this. It’s typical young adult-angst. 

I just don’t understand how people do it. How they just find a path and a degree and a job and an entire life, just like that. And then all the sudden they’re settle. They’ve made it. They’re living.

From about middle school on I had this path. This plan. And then, things altered — the school I wanted suddenly became less appealing, the subject I wanted to study was deemed unwise, I wished to be further from home. Ultimately, everything in the plan changed. Which was fine. That’s how life works, right? Things change. Everything changes. 

And, it’s not like I’d had much planned after I got into college, really. I mean, I just knew that I wanted to go as far as I possibly could. All the degrees, you know?

The longer I stay here, the more I keep feeling like doors are closing. Like I’m in a corridor lined with doors, and at every turn, one closes. And soon, they’ll all be closed except for one or two. I feel trapped. Claustrophobic. 

But, that’s how it works. The more you do, the more doors close. And the more doors close, the closer you are to a job, a career, getting settled, finding a real life. Because that’s the end-goal, right? Those doors are supposed to shut. It’s like putting on blinders. You’re left with only enough sight to focus on the best path. 

It seems to me like asking a child to decide between age 16-19 what they want to do for the rest of their life is just a little silly. We’re pushing kids to the brink forcing them to make what is likely to be the most important decision of their life at an age when they’re likely their most reckless. And yeah, not everyone makes that choice within those three years, but this weird, college-centric education culture is leading a lot of kids to think that’s basically their only option — college or military or die (well, flip burgers. I’m being over-dramatic). 

I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to shut any more doors. There are still a lot of things I want to do. A lot of growing up I have to do, I think, before I could commit to a single career path. I want to get it right, you see. I want to have a plan, a goal, and a clear path. Otherwise, I’ll just be wasting my time and money on something unfulfilling. 

Maybe, though, it’s silly to expect happiness out of your career. Perhaps a focus on simply surviving out to be the way to do it. Or maybe, happiness ought not be so considered, period. Many people have lived and died unhappy with their life. Why shouldn’t I? 

Ah, it’s all relative, I think. 

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